how to publish your book

This is a post that I like to call HOW TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK.

Unfortunately, no one should take any advice from me because I have no yet published my book. But I am trying. Oh so hard.

Well I don't know if you could say I'm trying just yet. Because I haven't submitted anything. But I can only imagine the torture and pain this will cause me as I get REJECTION AFTER REJECTION.

But here's how it's supposed to go.

Step 1: Sign up for Writer's Market. That is the only way to get a literary agent. And if you wanna get published, you gotta get a literary agent.

Step 2: Search Writer's Market for Agents. Make sure you read their stuff very carefully, and make sure you're doing the right thing. You don't wanna submit your epic romance to an agent who only reads nonfiction cook books. Just saying.

Step 3: Write Your Query. That's what I'm doing now. It's kind of fun. But also very nervewracking because this is what you will send to agents!

Step 4: Send Query To Agents. Make sure you follow their directions.

Step 5: Wait. They have a lot of stuff to read, so it'll take a month at the very least. And that's if you're lucky.

Step 6: Get Rejected. Either that or they just won't respond at all. Sometimes you'll just have to assume that you were rejected. I know, life's tough.

Step 7: Do It All Over Again. And again. And again. Until you get someone who says HEY GIMME YOUR BOOK I WANT TO SEE IF I CAN GET IT PUBLISHED. And then they will help you.

Step 8: Wait. See step 5 for further instruction.

Step 9: Get Fired By Agent Because No One Wants Your Book. It happens, and well the agent doesn't want to put effort into something that isn't going to make them money.

Step 10: Start Again From Step One. Isn't it terrible? That you have to start all the way from the beginning if your agent drops you?

Step 11: Get An Agent That Finds Someone To Publish Your Book. I'm just going to assume you succeeded the second time around. Because otherwise this would be a neverending loop of REJECTION.

Step 12: ...I don't know I haven't gotten this far. Actually, I'm still on Step 3. But I'll keep you posted on what happens.

If you think I'm being negative, I am, but unfortunately, this is just the way it is. Even if you're the next JK Rowling it might be difficult for you. I'm pretty sure she got rejected many many times. Good luck. Wish me luck too. I'll need it.